My husband and I recently found ourselves alone! The friend has found a new place and is getting back on her feet. All good news. Including....naked time! Naked time is back just in time for spring!
Having our house back to ourselves has given me the much needed head space to start really living and getting stuff done! I cleaned out the studio, am paying off some credit cards, and most importantly have found time and motivation to get my husband to help me tackle the basement!
Let me first explain that I really like to throw stuff away, and my husband keeps everything! I for one think that this is true of all relationships. At least the ones that are built to last, there is always a dominate in the pair. My husband is the dominate, and thank God because left to my own devises I have a tendency to live very chaotically. There is always one spender, and one saver. There is also one pack rat, and the one that is aggravated at the idea of clutter.
My husband has made huge strides since we moved in together and has gotten rid of literally thousands of things. And as a testament to him, is really ready to get rid of much much more. I am so proud, and so ready to throw shit away!
A little background for my readers, when we moved into our now apartment it took an entire day of moving just to move the crap in the basement. Not including anything that was in our actual apartment. His basement at the old apartment had 1250 square feet of stuff that he condensed down to 800 sq feet. A good 300 square feet of stuff was left behind, and the rest thrown away. This was a huge accomplishment!
However, tonight really got the best of me for awhile. We went down together in high hopes of really putting a dent in the clutter. Two hours in I felt completely overwhelmed. I was really hoping to find a bunch of my boxes from when I was single and throw stuff away. I found 4 boxes of the 100 down there. I threw it all away. Then a lot of the time I spent down there was handing my husband boxes and saying, "You should look through this,... and throw it away!"
He did very good and condensed five boxes down to one. A big deal! But there is a huge section of stuff dedicated to the "studio". My husband used to own a recording studio. Still does, but it is really more like "Oz". A mythical place that exists only in theory. We have all the stuff, and no where or means to rent a place to put it in working condition. It is on the list of things to do in the future.
Onward bound we went. Dug through the boxes and hundreds of dollars worth of scooter parts and guitars in pieces. I....just kept throwing shit away. He had a slow walk down memory lane. This is the biggest problem with us cleaning together. I think I may have watched far too many television shows on hoarding, because I can go through a box in about three minutes. For him it takes closer to twenty, give or take how many times he says.."Honey! Look at this! Do you know what this is?"
I always answer, "Yes, its trash."
He furrows his brow at me, and keeps it. My hope is that a time in the future will come, when home projects are completed, and you can see the floor in my basement. High, high hopes.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Polygamy and Puzzles
After a usual Sunday evening with my husband spent watching the HBO original series "Big Love", we had a small conversation about whether or not we thought that it should be legal for old school Joesph Smith follower who practice the principal, to take multiple wives. We laughed and made many jokes about the crazy people who think this is a good idea. And he made a joke that he wanted to take a second wife. I responded that maybe he could work on making the wife he has happy and then we'll talk about it. It was a very funny and silly conversation that made it's way into my sub conscious and lead to the most hilarious dream I have ever had!
Fast asleep the scene in my head opens in my living room. My husband comes home from work and announces to me that he has taken a sister wife for me. I freak out and say that I am in no way going to practice this Neanderthal principal, and I find a little vomit in the back of my throat when I think about moving to Utah. He goes on to say that he really did this for me. Our family is spread to thin and I would have someone to help me around the house. He says that he knows I will love her, and we should just try it out for a week. In the door walks Chelsea Handler. We share a look as though in my my dream we are long time friends. And in that look we exchange ideas to torch er my husband for suggesting that we do this.
Still dreaming...A montage begins of Chelsea and I playing "Threes Company" like practical jokes on him. You know, bucket of water over the door, marbles on the floor, saran wrap on the toilet seat. Each time one of our clever tricks worked we would snicker and high five like sixth graders. My husband still determined to get us into the idea of all being married, Chelsea and I decided that our practical jokes would need to get worse and more creative. I said to Chels, (I call her Chels in my dream.)
" You know with the sales from your new book Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, we could throw a little money at a joke! His birthday is next week."
Chels looks at me and says
"I have idea!"
A short time later there is a knock at the door. Chels tells me to answer the door and when I open it, standing a very expensive hand beaded evening gown and a Louis Vutton handbag is Vanna White. Vanna walks in and asks where is the benefit? I look at Chels and she says,
"Oh there is no benefit. I talked to your agent, and I bought you for the night."
"Chels, why did you buy Vanna for the night?"
"I don't know, I just thought maybe it would freak him out."
"Okay, but why? What is she suppose to do?"
"I don't know! What does he really hate?"
"Hip hop."
"Then that's what she'll do! Hey Vanna, I want you to stand at the top of the steps, and when he gets home, you play hip hop!"
Vanna chimes in and explains she doesn't know how to play hip hop. Asks if I have a stereo or something.
"Chels, the stereo is broken. What is she suppose to do?"
"Alright Vanna! Listen up! Your going to play hip hop! You have a handbag don't you?! Okay good! Then you move the zipper back and forth and make a beat! Then you just make some noise over it!"
My husband walks in and Vanna crouched down in her gown at the top of my stairs starts moving the zipper on her $500 handbag rigorously and trying to beat box. My husband looks very angry and Chles and I die laughing!
I woke up after that and told my husband about the dream. He laughed hysterically, and said,
"Well that settles that! No multiple wives!" I laughed as well. I can't decide what was the best part of the dream, the fact that Vanna White played hip hop on a purse, or that Chelsea Handler and I were friends.
Fast asleep the scene in my head opens in my living room. My husband comes home from work and announces to me that he has taken a sister wife for me. I freak out and say that I am in no way going to practice this Neanderthal principal, and I find a little vomit in the back of my throat when I think about moving to Utah. He goes on to say that he really did this for me. Our family is spread to thin and I would have someone to help me around the house. He says that he knows I will love her, and we should just try it out for a week. In the door walks Chelsea Handler. We share a look as though in my my dream we are long time friends. And in that look we exchange ideas to torch er my husband for suggesting that we do this.
Still dreaming...A montage begins of Chelsea and I playing "Threes Company" like practical jokes on him. You know, bucket of water over the door, marbles on the floor, saran wrap on the toilet seat. Each time one of our clever tricks worked we would snicker and high five like sixth graders. My husband still determined to get us into the idea of all being married, Chelsea and I decided that our practical jokes would need to get worse and more creative. I said to Chels, (I call her Chels in my dream.)
" You know with the sales from your new book Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, we could throw a little money at a joke! His birthday is next week."
Chels looks at me and says
"I have idea!"
A short time later there is a knock at the door. Chels tells me to answer the door and when I open it, standing a very expensive hand beaded evening gown and a Louis Vutton handbag is Vanna White. Vanna walks in and asks where is the benefit? I look at Chels and she says,
"Oh there is no benefit. I talked to your agent, and I bought you for the night."
"Chels, why did you buy Vanna for the night?"
"I don't know, I just thought maybe it would freak him out."
"Okay, but why? What is she suppose to do?"
"I don't know! What does he really hate?"
"Hip hop."
"Then that's what she'll do! Hey Vanna, I want you to stand at the top of the steps, and when he gets home, you play hip hop!"
Vanna chimes in and explains she doesn't know how to play hip hop. Asks if I have a stereo or something.
"Chels, the stereo is broken. What is she suppose to do?"
"Alright Vanna! Listen up! Your going to play hip hop! You have a handbag don't you?! Okay good! Then you move the zipper back and forth and make a beat! Then you just make some noise over it!"
My husband walks in and Vanna crouched down in her gown at the top of my stairs starts moving the zipper on her $500 handbag rigorously and trying to beat box. My husband looks very angry and Chles and I die laughing!
I woke up after that and told my husband about the dream. He laughed hysterically, and said,
"Well that settles that! No multiple wives!" I laughed as well. I can't decide what was the best part of the dream, the fact that Vanna White played hip hop on a purse, or that Chelsea Handler and I were friends.
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