The Holiday Road Trip

I wish someone would have told me the utmost importance of going on a road trip with your husband before you get married. I must have been crazy to never have done this with him before, and once more, to do this in our first year of marriage and also at the holidays!

My husband and I decided that in order to keep me from filling buckets of Christmas tears over not being able to see my family at Christmas, we would borrow a reliable car from a friend and do the unthinkable. Drive 16 hours to Orlando. Be there for 48 hours. Then drive all the way back to arrive Christmas morning in time to catch a cat nap and go to my in-laws for Christmas dinner.

When we began our journey south, I was in the best of spirits! I had my "ipod" full of Christmas music, a cooler filled with coca cola and hummus, and a bags of snacks. My husband got home from work at five o'clock, and I figured he'd quickly pack and we'd be on the road by six or seven. I underestimated the anal retentive and severely vein side of my new husband as he took 2 hours to pack! Mind you we were going for 48 hours! We finally hit the road just shy of nine p.m. and he was asleep by ten.

I thought to myself that to begin our memory of our first road trip I should let him sleep the first leg. After all, he did work three over night shifts in a row and was exhausted. He's much more tolerant of my elf like holiday cheer when he's had sleep, food, and a scotch. I drove and drove and drove! I drove half the way there in horrible fog and mountains. After just entering Georgia I had been driving 8 full hours and I decided it may be my turn to rest.

He awoke in good groggy spirits and said he would drive. I pull into a gas station and go into the bathroom to remove my makeup and brush my teeth. By the time I exit the questionable restroom, I find my husband staring at the doughnuts. He had already drank a huge red bull, a five hour energy, and was eating a Reeses peanut butter cup and holding a giant cup of coffee. We get on the road and begin lovely conversation for about an hour as the sun came up.

I finally lay my head in slumber and it seemed like 5 minutes went by, and I awoke to a very green husband. Covered in sweat and sighing a lot. The window is open and it is cold and loud.

"Honey can you close the window?"

"I don't feel so good."

"You don't say!'

I was very angry, and also felt very bad for him. Seriously though, what would possess a person to put all that into their system! He looked really awful. I was so sleepy I'm sure I didn't speak one full sentence with out whining. I drove the rest of the way. After finding him the right combo of scotch, fast food and water to soak up the trucker crack itching blood feeling, he slept the rest of the way.

We arrived in Orlando at 4 p.m. and I was very sad about our first road trip together. I felt robbed. Robbed of all the good conversation and sing-a-longs festive fun. Fortunately the drive home was much better. We had all those things..... and he did ALL the driving!

Good Hair

It has now been one month and 5 days since taking the plunge. I am slowly coming out of my funk and attempting to get into the holiday spirit. We are slowly financially recovering and today for the first time in weeks....I shaved!

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to shaving. In fact I find it hard to sleep without pants on if my legs aren't silky smooth. But after the wedding, and living borderline poverty level, I just couldn't justify spending $8.00 on razors instead of purchasing my lifeline Marlboro ultra lights. So I used the same razor for weeks until it was actually causing more damage than good. I finally told my husband. "Honey I'm taking a hiatus on the shaving." His response astounded me!
"That's okay, your not all that hairy anyway."

Is he just the perfect man or what? Didn't even put up a foul look. It was then that I realized he didn't understand what I meant.

"No honey, I'm not shaving anywhere but my underarms for awhile." Then there was the look I was waiting for.

He eventually got used to the idea, and I became furious. For the last week I have watched my peekachoo grow hair for the first time since the 90's. I blame the porn industry. Since when did we all decide to buy into the idea that a shaved girl is a better lay?

Itchy and uncomfortable I almost gave up. Then I realized why we all do this. Once you shave it, you have to keep shaving it. It itches as it grows out, and it itches when you shave too close. Its a pyramid scheme this shaving! Not one to ever give up, I conditioned the area and continued the fight.

So tonight I went to Walgreens and bought some razors. So beautiful all fresh and gleaming! There's nothing quite like a new razor! I hopped in the shower and shaved my legs. As I moved up to shave the area and free my sex to my husband I stopped. "I feel sexy". I haven't itched in days, and for the first time in my life, I like the hair! Its warmer for one, and the hair is soft, not coarse like when it's short.

I am turning 30 in 18 days. And this year...I'm gonna have pubic hair! I'm not saying that I will never go back, but for now, my middle finger to the world is concealed in my pants! It feels just like getting a piercing and hiding it from your parents! I see men checking me out, and I think to myself, "haha, you like pubic hair!"

Here's to womans liberation! If I want hair, damn it, I will have hair!

post wedding pardon depression?

I have been married for almost exactly one month today. The series of events that have followed my wedding were, to say the least a let down.

No one told me that after I got married I would be taunted by the memory of all the times my husband and I uttered the words.."after the wedding". It turns out that after you get married it is almost immediatly followed by a serious depression and no money to do anything you said would come "after the wedding". Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all feeling the depression from the marriage. In fact that is better than ever, but you spend so much time and energy getting everything perfect for this one day. Then the honeymoon, then....apparently several weeks of pajamas, calls from bill collectors, and hibernation.

I struggle trying to remember what life was like before I had to plan this huge event. (And it wasn't even a big wedding!) I am a bartender by night and an artist by day. Although I've only made and sold one piece in the last 2 years. I find myself sleeping 10 to 12 hours a day. I tried to paint today, it seemed for the first time in my life, unfulfilling.

Christmas is only two weeks away, and I and my entire family are broke from my wedding. I realize that Christmas isn't about money and presents, but money is a factor if you want to see your family on Christmas. All of my family lives in Orlando Fl. The vacation capitol of the USA. A round trip flight at Christmas is about $600.00, or in my head, the cost of a string quartet.

My pajamas and unstoppable appetite led my husband to ask me to take a pregnancy test. It didn't occur to him that all the food I'm eating is catching up for the 6 months before the wedding I spent eating salad to fit into my size 4 wedding gown. I started to think how awful it would be to actually be pregnant as my phone rings again from the bank. Then in a strange twist of fate my sister calls to tell me she is. (pregnant) I, thank God, am not.

I decided to start this blog to document our first year of marriage, and to see if anyone else out there can relate to post wedding pardon depression. Hope I find myself again. Here I am only a couple weeks from my 30th birthday, wondering whats next? Comments welcome...please!